BUDDHISM

.....teaches reverence for life

On the surface sounds good.  You read about Buddhist monks living on a desolate, cold mountain who decide to build a new temple.  In the process they uncover some worms who in keeping with there beliefs they escort (Their word) outside.  I liked it so I adapted it as a principle.

Not everyone lives on desolate mountains in rural areas.

I happened to be living on a sail boat in the deep South.

One day some ants showed up.  In keeping with my reverence for life I let them alone...to  ...breed and multiply very rapidly.

My faith and principle were being tested in the real world.  I was going to be strong and firm in my beliefs, so I let them alone.  

One day I'm smoking a joint covered in ants when the first crack in my resolve occurred.  For the first time I thought this can't go on. I have no place else to live. There is no "escorting" individuals, it would be more like herding.   

I agonized over it for awhile then apologized to the Dali Lama for my lack of faith, went and bought a can of bug spray.

Chemical death is particularly gruesome.  Thousand upon thousands men, wimmen and children, old and young screaming, bodies everywhere.  I took to drink, red wine and a joint eased my stress and soothed my guilt.

Things went fine until the cockroaches showed a year later. I was not happy.  I again apologized and took action.

It was too late.  They multiplied faster than I could kill them.  They were everywhere, they would crawl over my lips at night.  I reluctantly resorted to chemical war fare.  I didn't want to do it because the screams of the dying  ants were still in my memory.  I did what I had to do.

That didn't work.  I resorted to smoke bombs, setting off a couple every three or four days.  I think they were getting hi on the stuff.  Poison finally worked.  I was able to relax.

Until the rat showed up.  I'm laying in the forward berth smoking a bed time joint when I hear a noise that shouldn't be there.  I looked over my shoulder. There was a rat next to the food.  We made eye contact.  The next day I put a big gob of peanut butter where it had been.

In the morning it was gone.  I went and bought a trap but didn't mention it to the Dali Lama.  I put a big gob of peanut butter on the trap as bait and went to bed.  I was in the middle of a wet dream when I was woken by the sound of the trap, a brief frantic struggle then silence. I went back to sleep.

In the morning the trap w/rat was given a sea burial.  Please don't snitch on me to the Dali Lama

It's not easy being Buddhist in a modern society but I'm working on it