ADAM & EVE

I've hesitated a long time 

before writing this

because the more I thought about it the more 

problematic it became.

Let me state for the record I'm an Atheist.  I consider God believers are delusional beings who would kill me before admitting different

Sociologist will tell you all societies/cultures have a creation myth....where they originated from.

Think of the Incas and Mayas.  The Eskimos, Chinese and the aborigines in Australia.

Western Europeans/Christians have Adam & Eve in the Book of Geneses in the bible.

I admit I never read it but the way the story goes God created everything in seven days (What took so long?  An efficient God would have snapped his fingers and be done with it)

I'm not sure when Adam was created, before or after?

Anyway I want to focus on the exact moment Adam was created.  Did God just snap his fingers and bingo Adam appears?  In a second, a tenth of a second, maybe a millisecond

(A priori: previous knowledge)

I didn't know how to get past having knowledge of the past with no past.  I decided to cheat and claim God gave it to him.

That works.  Let's proceed.

 Think about this.  If you were Adam you went from no consciousness to now awareness, it would be like waking up in a hospital with no prior memory.  Nothing would mean anything because you had no frame of reference because there was no past.

I really start to have problems here.

Bingo, now your not, now you are

Adam wakes up.  What does he see?  God.

Adam asks who are you? (He picked up English very quick.  This is a story.  Over look that)

I'm God.

Where am I?

Paradise

Garden of Eden, planet earth.

What's that?

Never mind, I've created you in my image to honor and glorify me.

I have trouble here.  What kind of God is so insecure they need their ego's fed? You think Trump is a narcissist?

You were created in my image.  I've people watched for years and know one thing for certain no two people are exactly alike.  Exactly what is he talking about when he says image?  If you took that literally the world would be populated by old men with grey beards that all looked exactly alike

Do you see the problem with this narrative?

Here's where things get really strange.  I realize there were no cameras then and probably no artist.  How did this person get this image?  There is no mention of anyone else in the garden.  Mighty suspicious.

I searched the internet and discovered this.  It was on the internet so it must be legit.  Who would post false and miss leading stuff?  (What's this world coming too?) 

This is where I think they're playing us for fools.  Clearly Adam doesn't look anything like God. God is much bigger and has an enormous white beard like older men.  Didn't know God's aged like humans.  (Do they think were stupid?  What do they hope to gain?)

Why do they have clothes on?  Who is around to see them?

Where did the clothes come from? Sweat shop in Burma, maybe?

Adam noticed God had a penis and asked what's that?  You'll find out later.  Think about this God is the whole universe.  Trillions of planets around trillions of suns in trillions of galaxies and he is going to bother with one small planet.  He didn't need to look like a mammal with a reproductive organ.  That implies a woman and sex.  Where's the kids?  No need for that. A big voice in the sky might have worked better.

Adam asked are we alone?  Yes, would you like a companion?

What's that?

So God took a rib from Adam and created wo-man. Good trick if you can do it.

More problems, you can't just jerk a rib out of a full grown man and not seriously injure him.  Come on....give me a break.  We'll call on another miracle here to gloss over minor discrepancies. God put him to sleep and healed the wound.   (Pass to the left)

I had to interject this old cartoon here.  It seemed appropriate.  But I digress.

When Adam woke up and saw her, he screamed and ran away and hid in the forest.

When God found Adam he asked what's wrong.  He sed he was afraid, her thing was gone and she has bumps on her

chest.  Are they tumors?  What's her name?  Let's call her Eve and we'll call you Adam.  That has a nice ring to it.

God calmed Adam own.  He gave him some herb to smoke.  That helped.  He felt better then started laffing and got a severe attack of the munchies. 

When they got back to Eve God sed, welcome to paradise.  Adam asked what's that.  Eve told him to shut up they can 

ask questions later.

God sed there are fruits, berries and nuts to eat.  There is only one rule, do not eat from the apple tree.  Seemed like reasonable enuff request so they agreed.  As they left Adam noticed something crawling on the ground by the apple  tree. With no frame of reference he did not know it was a snake.  We'll get back to him later.

So Adam and Eve wandered blissfully thru the garden, eating sleeping when they wanted to.  They would go on hikes and feed the swans in the lake etc.

It was paradise

(I noticed a cow, lion and elephant in the picture.  Was it safe?)

Then one day they were sitting by the lake when Adam accidently brushed lips with Eve.  That felt good so they kissed then stuck their tongues in each others mouth.  That felt better.  

Adam looked at Eve's tits and asked if they hurt. No.  Can I touch them....O.K.

When he did there was an instant exchange of energy.  Her nipples got hard and his thing stood up.  He ran to God cause he was scared.  God assured him it would be O.K.
If it last more than four hours let me know.

He went back to Eve and picked up where they left off.

It wasn't long before the jade stem discovered the earthly valley of heavenly delites.

They busted the first nut together.  She screamed, oohh...!!!! God here I cum.

A voice in the sky, sed, not now, later.

That was it.  They discovered sex.  They did it day and night everywhere they went.

One day she started bleeding between her legs.  Blood was all over her legs.  She asked God for helped.  He put some large leaves, some grass and twine between her legs  That solved the problem but he sed it could happen again.  Eve thought to herself that would be a curse.

After they had been there for a while the new wore off.  They've hiked, swam and ate till they had their fill of it.
They were bored shitless.

Then one day while they were laying around the snake showed up smoking a joint which he passed to the left.

They got to talking.  That's when the devil hissed that the reason God didn't want you to eat from the apple tree is because if you do you'll have as much power as God.  Think about that. No more ass kissing.

They talked about it for days.  Eve eventually came around

in favor of the apple.  Adam was dead set against it.  They argued for months.  One night Adam tried to get a little before going to sleep.  Eve was cold and told him no apple, no pussy you spineless piece of shit.

In a couple day's Adam gave in so they went to the tree that night.  When they got there Adam told Eve, you do it.  You want some more tonite, you pick it.  So he did and handed it to her and told her, go ahead.  She sed , you first, no bite, no nooky tonite.  Adam bit and handed it to Eve who took a bite.

There was a loud bang and a sudden flash.  The wind started howling, thunder & lighting crackled.  It rained buckets.

A voice in the sky sed....I told you not to eat from that tree.  Get the fuck out you un-grateful shits. GET OUT.

They left. Maybe a mile down the road they passed a gate that sed PARADISE on the outside.

It was tuff.  They wandered till they found a cave by a river and crawled in for shelter.

In the morning they were hungry so they went looking for food.  It was much scarcer than in the garden of Eden.

Good news is Eve hadn't bled in months and felt she had been cured.  She was putting on weight, mostly in her

stomach.

Then one day a baby popped out.  Scared everyone to death.  Didn't know what it was or what to do with it.

White stuff came out of Eve's tit.  It seem to really like it so Adam tried the other tit and decided he liked it.

Adam had discovered fishing so he would go off by himself while Eve sheltered in the cave and took care of the baby.

How did Adam cook the fish over the fire.  How did he get fire.  He found a BIC lighter along the path.

Man fish woman cook. 

Eventually there were more children who grew up, hit puberty and encaged in sexual behavior.......

which led to inbreeding and more inbreeding till there were a bunch of cross eyed idiots who picked their noses played, with themselves and didn't know your not supposed to play with feces and urine.

Strange how Adam could evolve and manifest as a fully evolved human being with a developed DNA profile

when he had no past.

Eventually they died out.  God was disappointed that things didn't work out.  He wondered what he did wrong.

He decided to create Adam and Steve.  Same story.  They got kicked out.  They would lay in the cave and pack each others fudge and swallow the little white stuff.

No matter how much they did this neither one of the ever coughed up a baby or shit one.  One was killed by a lion and the other one died of old age.

God was really in a snit now.  He couldn't figure out what was wrong.  So he tried Eve & Alice.  In the cave they licked each other sore, they seemed to like it, but no baby.  They died off.

The origin myth needs a baby to start.

Totally confused God decided to start over and go back to basics, he created Bob & Carol.

There was a problem.  Both Bob & Carol thought God had seriously fucked up and put them in the wrong bodies.

Bob was as convinced he was a woman as Carol was she was a man.

They were both horrified by this tragic error and turned to

our old friend the snake who told them he could ...fix things but it would cost a  lot of money. What's that they asked ?

We'll talk about that later just sign here.

So he had (Remember this is fiction) Carol chop off her tits and made something that looked like a fat little penis that didn't get hard or ejaculate sperm and started taking male hormones she got from the snake and grew a beard. (They were expensive and the price kept going up) She called herself Bob.

Bob had his penis  pulled inside out and started on female hormones, grew tits and got into make up big time. Called himself Carol.

They had "a form" of sex, if you can call it that. Guess what if wishes were horses we'd all ride.

NO BABY HERE

I'm beginning to think this could not possibly be true.  Maybe we've been fed a big BS story.

WHY?